During that period I was slandered on the news and radio, mocked by the local newspapers and received hate mail and even death threats from people in the community. More painfully, I was castigated and shunned by other pastors and churches in our city for speaking up at all. This time in my life was probably the most tormented and lonely season that I have ever experienced, and I do not share this to illicit sympathy or to air out my complaints but only to make the point that I have a personal vested interest in this issue as I have bled and wept over it many times. Therefore, my take on the ever controversial issue of gay marriage is anything but ignorant or detached, so please don’t take it that way. It is only after several years of reflecting on the series of events that occurred that I am now ready to express what I have to say about it.

As a pastor who has been personally affected by this incendiary issue, what bothers me the most about the gay marriage debate is that it has become an issue of “personal rights”. What gay marriage proponents continue to do is liken their struggle for acceptance and legality to the civil rights struggle for equality. Though I have heard this argument ad nauseum, I still cannot see how this is a civil rights issue on par with the African Americans struggle for equality. First of all, are gay people prohibited from using the same restrooms as straight people? Are gay students segregated out from the straight at our schools? Are they denied the right to vote, to earn an equal wage at their job or even to fight and die for their country? The “right” that advocates are fighting for is the supposed “right” to get married. I don’t recall African Americans even in the height of the civil rights movement ever being denied the right to marry each other. Though the gay marriage lobby wants us to liken these movements to each other, they are starkly different. And, I have often wondered why African Americans aren’t deeply offended by these attempts to liken their struggle with the movement for gay marriage today.

Though we often hear the contrary, the truth is that there is no convincing evidence that homosexuality is genetically inherited and all the evidence suggests that nurture is much more profoundly influential on shaping who we become than nature. African Americans do not choose to be black but human beings do choose their orientation, and that’s the simple, undressed truth.

Now, that being said, here’s the rub. There is an ever increasing pressure on and relentless intimidation toward the church to “get with the times” and start accepting homosexuality as a viable orientation for living and gay marriage as an acceptable relationship. Though the heat keeps turning up on pastors and churches to capitulate to this pressure and vitriolic anger, the simple fact is that it won’t work. You see, the Church is not our own and pastors are not without authority. What gay marriage advocates must realize is that the Church and its pastors are under the authority of Jesus Christ. And, we are bound to His commands for the Church. So, even if a rogue church or pastor does cave in to the pressure, the fact is that the true Church won’t, ever. The Church has a long, long legacy of martyrdom and that is because we would always rather lay our lives down in death than turn our backs on the One we serve.

As a pastor, I have made the choice that I will not fear mankind but only God. And, I know that I am not alone in this. The Scriptures that we are obligated to uphold clearly dictate that the practice of homosexuality is a sin, and there is no way to get around that simple obvi0us truth. Those who say the Bible does not prohibit or condemn homosexuality do not know the Bible or the One who gave it. Therefore, as one of the underpastors to Jesus who has authority over His Church, let it be known clearly that we will NEVER compromise  or capitulate on this issue! This onslaught against the Church by outspoken gay marriage advocates simply will not prevail. No matter how much harm we suffer for this, we will not roll over. It’s just as simple as that, and it’s time to make that clear.

Now, since we have established that there is clearly an insurmountable impasse between gay marriage advocates and opponents on this issue, it’s time we really consider how to best live at peace with each other. The fact is that the pressure for gay marriage is not going to go away and that the backlash against it isn’t either, so what can we do? The solution, I believe, is rather simple. The fact of that matter is that gay marriage advocates are pushing for the “right” to marry primarily for the legal recognition with its inherent legal advantages that include tax, health and estate planning benefits.

Today we live in a separated state and church country, where the secular is separated from the sacred. The central problem with the gay marriage issue is that it is trying to “marry” the secular with the sacred. Marriage is not a secular insitution and really never has been. Though our government recognizes it as a legal relationship, the truth is that marriage is a sacred institution. God created marriage and it belongs to Him, not to the state. Therefore, if the state wants to create a similar secular institution and call it something else, then that perhaps would be an acceptable alternative. Though Christians may not be comfortable with a secular version of marriage, at least we can be satisfied that we have protected the sacred version of it.

Given this, in my estimation, the best solution to this impasse is for the state to leave marriage as sacred and belonging to the Church and instead establish a comparative secular institution or “civil union” for two people so that they can enjoy legal benefits similar to marriage but leave the sacred institution for and the biblical definition of marriage to the Church.

On a final note, let me just say this. If gay marriage advocates are singularly interested in marriage and continue to press for the “right” to marry and are not satisfied with civil recognition, then we are left with the impression that their real intention is to somehow undermine the institution of marriage, both sacred and secular versions, for everyone. This would be like the child throwing a tantrum and declaring that if he can’t have something, then no one will. This could very well be the case and we will see in days to come if it is indeed true. The litmus test will be if the gay marriage advocates are satisfied with civil recognition.

Furthermore, if they continue to press for marriage status, then that could also suggest that what they are really seeking is not the equality of marriage but actually the symbolic blessing upon their union. In a way then, they would effectively be trying to get not only the country’s approval but the Church’s as well. As we have already established, they may get the former but will not get the latter.

Whatever the outcome of this angry debate, my hope and prayer is that the vitriolic exchanges would be put aside and that both sides would come to the table to discuss viable solutions to this impasse. And, even if we can’t have agreement, then at least we can have peace.