What is Real Hospitality?
The American humorist Arnold Glasow once quipped, “Some folks make you feel at home. Others make you wish you were.” I have been thinking on those words recently as I have pondered the subject of hospitality. I have come to realize that hospitality is something that many claim to practice but so few actually do.
How so? Well, hospitality is often confused with brotherly love. Brotherly love is about enjoying the company of those closest to us, especially our family and friends. But, hospitality is about sharing company with those farthest from us, especially strangers and foreigners.
Both of these words occur in the first two verses of Hebrews 13, which reads, “Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Both words suggest love, but they suggest love of different people.
The Greek word for brotherly love is the very familiar word philadelphia, which is actually a combination of two words phila and delphia, which respectively mean “love” and “brother or sister”. Together they mean “the love of brothers or sisters”.
Now, brothers and sisters are those in closest proximity to ourselves, not just physically but also spiritually. In this context it specifically refers to brothers and sisters in Christ who share our faith in Jesus and are adopted together with us into the family of God.
Certainly one could claim nuclear family as their brothers and sisters, but one could also claim spiritual family as their brothers and sisters as well. What this means is that we ought to love those who are closest to us either physically or spiritually. This is the essence of philadelphia.
However, the other word in the passage translated as hospitality is philoxenia, which is likewise a combination of two words philo and xenia, which respectively mean “love” and “stranger”. Together they mean “the love of strangers or foreigners”.
The Author of Hebrews tells us that it is the love of strangers by which we “entertain angels unawares”. In other words, it is only through sharing company with complete strangers that we actually encounter angels and, perhaps more importantly, practice biblical hospitality.
This distinction is important because it clarifies for us what hospitality really is. It is not about sharing company and love with our family and friends but with strangers and foreigners. Practically, this doesn’t mean just welcoming people off the streets into our lives but anyone outside of our own physical and spiritual circle.
This might give rise to concern for some who are terrified by the idea of welcoming people they don’t know into their lives and homes, especially in an age of distrust and abuse. Certainly, one wouldn’t want a complete stranger babysitting their children or sleeping on their couch without having some sense of their character.
However, biblical hospitality is not just about who we welcome into our living rooms. It is also about who we welcome into our routines, our workspaces, our appointments, our diversions and our conversations. Biblical hospitality is about allowing complete strangers into our personal space and daily life.
Biblical hospitality is about smiling at people that we pass us on the street, holding a door for the person behind us at the restaurant, striking up a conversation with a neighbor or giving a reassuring handshake or shoulder pat to an associate at work or school.
Biblical hospitality is also about sharing some food with the guy lingering at the fast food restaurant, visiting the local jail to pray for an inmate, volunteering at a shelter to help someone get back on their feet or bringing an abandoned child home to foster.
The thing about biblical hospitality that makes it distinctly different from brotherly love is that it must include strangers. It must include people we don’t know and people we might not even like. Biblical hospitality is something that is usually uncomfortable for us. It’s something that stretches us and grows us.
This means that if we claim to practice biblical hospitality, then having our family and friends into our homes for dinner and dessert does not qualify. This means that hanging out exclusively with the same people each week doesn’t qualify. And, it means that reserving our kindness and warmth only for those we recognize and trust doesn’t count.
It also means that those who say they have the gift of hospitality do not really possess that gift if they do not love the strangers around them. No, they may possess love for their brothers and sisters, which ought to be common for all Christians, but they do not possess the spiritual gift.
Rather, the practice of biblical hospitality manifests itself in those who are friendly and warm to complete strangers and in unfamiliar company. Real biblical hospitality is observed when love is on display among those and with those whom we least expect it.
Practically, the challenge for us is to first recalibrate and expand our thinking about what exactly qualifies as biblical hospitality and then ask ourselves if we are really practicing it. Chances are that in reality many of us, if we are honest with ourselves, are not.
If you find that you are cold and closed off to strangers and people you don’t know, that you have a hard time smiling at people on the street, that you find it difficult to step out of your close circle of friends, that you are unable to strike up a conversation with a new person or that you are not giving something of yourself away to those most unlike you, then it is likely that biblical hospitality is something that you’ve “neglected”.
The way we “un-neglect” hospitality in our lives is by making an effort to be friendly to strangers we encounter, by purposely seeking out new and different relationships, by stepping outside of our known and comfortable surroundings and by simply learning to smile and say a kind word to those around us.
Personally, I find this to be quite challenging, especially since I am one to hole up in my life and do not find it natural to exude warmth to people that I don’t know. By nature, I am a skeptic and do not trust most people. I have a hard time opening myself up to others whom I find unfamiliar or perhaps unlikable, and I am quite comfortable keeping to myself.
However, I know that I can’t live this way if I want to honor the Scriptures and the God who gave them. And, I’m fairly confident that I am not alone in this. I am admittedly bothered by my own selfishness but am equally bothered by the coldness of others that I have observed among so many Christians today. And, I’m genuinely concerned about the impression that our exclusion gives to the world of strangers around us.
I want to be someone who makes others feel at home in mine as much as they do in theirs, and I really want that for all of us. My hope and prayer is that we would exude real warmth and kindness to every stranger we come into contact with and to each foreigner we encounter so that we might never miss the opportunity to “entertain angels unawares”.
Convicting, brother! I’m an exceedingly shy person by nature and often feel convicted of not allowing people in and keeping to myself when I know I should be boldly displaying Christ’s love for all. I think it’s wise for us to pray for boldness and a gracious spirit to everyone, and then to be brave enough to get out there and do it. Thank you for pointing that out.
Amen, sis. Thanks for having the guts to admit it too. I’m glad I’m not the only one. See you Sunday!