Is Birth Control A Sin?
The issue of birth control and family planning is a highly controversial and hotly debated emotional topic within the Church, and the issue has only heated up in recent years as new information has been released about the nature and effects of certain family planning methods. For many couples, the issue is a deeply personal one because of its profound and broad implications not only for their own families but also for the Church at large. For some, birth control is a matter of personal liberty while for others it is a matter of moral culpability. Either way, taking a position on this particular issue is going to offend someone depending on their perspective, and that is perhaps why most churches and pastors either do not take an official position on the matter or avoid the issue altogether.
For me as a pastor, I consider it a moral obligation on my part to not only carefully think through the issue of birth control from a biblical perspective but also to provide moral and ethical guidance to those who are under my care. Whether I desire to confront this issue or not, the reality is that I am confronted with it because the people I shepherd are dealing with it. Therefore, I will do my best to express in this post my perspective on the issue for the benefit of not only my own personal growth and understanding but also for the benefit of those that I have the opportunity to guide and care for.
When it comes to the underlying issue of family planning, the Bible does not address the topic directly but it does provide wisdom that indirectly relates to the subject at hand. First of all, the Bible does tell us that “children are a heritage from the Lord” (Psalm 127:3), so we know that children are a gift or reward from God that should be received with gratitude from His Hand. Further, it is implied that more children do also bring an increased reward as it says “Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them” (Psalm 127:5). At the same time, though the Bible does tell us that children are a reward and that more children enhance that reward, the Bible does not specifically tell us just how many children we all must have. In other words, though there is an acknowledgment of the blessing of children, there is no actual biblical mandate for us that prescribes just how many that should be.
And, though we do not see a clear mandate in Scripture determining the size of our families, we do see a biblical mandate to be good stewards, good stewards of our time, our energy, our resources and even our bodies, among other things. And, we certainly see evidence that we are to be good stewards of our families as well. For example, deacons and elders are prescribed to “manage their children and households well” (1 Timothy 3:4,12) and parents are instructed to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). As well, parents are also told that failure to provide for their relatives “especially for members of their household” (1 Timothy 5:8) is a denial of the faith and an embarrassment to the Church.
Because the Scriptures do mandate stewardship for all of us, we must apply this to the subject at hand. The question we all must be asking when it comes to planning our families is, “What is my stewardship before the Lord in regard to my own family?” In other words, we must consider what the Lord requires of each of us when it comes to the size and the care of our families. We see in Scripture that God entrusts certain gifts and empowers certain abilities to people for their task in life. In the Bible we call these gifts or abilities “talents” which vary from person to person and, by implication, from family to family. We read that God distributes these talents among people with an expectation that we would steward them well, and our stewardship is not related to the number of talents that we have been given. Notice that the emphasis in Matthew 25 is not on how many “talents” each has received but upon how well those “talents” have been managed. The application is that there are different stewardships given to different people depending on God’s expectation for those individuals or families. Therefore, we cannot necessarily presume that all families ought to have the same stewardship in regard to the size of their families.
Due to the fact that there is no prescriptive biblical mandate for all people regarding the size of their families but that there is a prescriptive command to be wise and effective stewards of all things, my conviction is that it is not unbiblical or sinful to plan how many children we ought to have in our families. Therefore, in light of that understanding, I’m not sure that the “right” or “moral” thing to do is to just wing it with our family planning and just presume that “God will provide”. Although there certainly is an expectation that God will provide for our families regardless of their size, I just don’t think throwing all caution to the wind and hoping for the best is really consistent with the concept of biblical stewardship. By this I mean that though we trust in the Lord to protect us while we drive in our cars, we still must wear our seat belts. And, though we trust in the Lord to heal our bodies, we still take our medication. Therefore, though we trust in God to provide for our needs, would we not be presumptuous to assume that we have no responsibility in securing our provision? It’s sort of like cashing a check in advance hoping that funds will somehow be deposited to keep it from bouncing. But, of course, it would be irresponsible for us to write a check without having some confirmation that the funds are indeed available. This simply serves to illustrate the point that I believe that our effective stewardship in all things includes our own responsibility for the effective care of and provision for our families before God, and I believe that God will hold us all accountable as parents for our wisdom or for our foolishness with that entrusted stewardship.
All of this is to say that family planning, in and of itself, is not sinful or unwise. However, the methods used to accomplish our family planning could be. The primary issue surrounding the use of birth control is whether the method prevents conception or destroys it. The general consensus among the Christian community is that life starts at the moment of conception. Though some even within the Church maintain that genuine conception occurs only after the fertilized egg has attached to the uterine wall, most agree that conception is achieved once the sperm and the egg are joined irregardless of its successful implantation in the womb. This fertilization can actually occur in the fallopian tubes even before the egg settles into the uterus, and this fundamental definition of when life begins plays an instrumental role in our understanding and use of birth control.
Given the agreed upon definition of when exactly life begins, there would therefore be two birth control options that would be considered biblically consistent and morally acceptable for Christians and one that may not be. The first biblically and morally acceptable option would be what is called “natural birth control”. Natural methods of contraception include the calendar-rhythm method, the symptothermal method and the standard days method, which are all used to prevent conception by abstaining from sexual intercourse on days when the wife is likely to be fertile. Natural birth control methods are beneficial in that they are free, require no surgery, involve no chemicals, devices or drugs, and have no side effects, although these methods do require self-discipline and organized planning on the part of the couple.
The second biblically and morally acceptable option is what has been called “non-abortive birth control”. Just as with the natural methods, non-abortive control methods work to influence the timing of conception but by taking additional temporary or permanent measures. Temporary non-abortive birth control methods are generally referred to as barrier methods that permit intercourse but prevent the sperm from reaching the egg. Temporary non-abortive methods of contraception for men include condoms and for women include the diaphragm, contraceptive sponges, cervical caps and female condoms. Permanent non-abortive methods include vasectomy for men and tubal ligation or sterilization for women. Though permanent measures can in some cases be reversed if there is a change of heart, one would be wise to carefully consider both the implications of and the reasons for those procedures before pursuing them.
Though both of the aforementioned birth control measures would be considered biblically and morally acceptable, there is a third and very prevalent method of birth control that may not be. This third method has been called “potentially abortive birth control” because of the risk that fertilized eggs could be unknowingly terminated through their usage. These methods, among others, include IUDs, Depo-Provera, Norplant and the pill. The most commonly used of these, the birth control pill, which is taken daily by 50-60 million women worldwide making it the most widely prescribed drug in the world, is a categorical term for more than forty types of oral contraceptives that contain estrogen and/or progestin. These hormonal contraceptives are designed to override the female body’s normal cycle and basically “trick” the brain into believing that she is already pregnant, thus preventing the release of an egg from the ovaries.
Until recently, it has been widely understood that the pill always prevents conception by preventing ovulation. However, recent data has revealed that this may in fact not always be true. What has now been suggested is that women who use the pill may actually continue to release eggs through what has been called spontaneous or “breakthrough ovulation.” And, if birth control pills do not always stop ovulation, then it is possible that fertilized eggs are inevitably being chemically aborted by the body. According to medical experts, there are three mechanisms or purposes for the birth control pill. The first mechanism is to inhibit ovulation. The second mechanism is to thicken cervical mucus in order to prevent the sperm from reaching the egg should it be released. And, the third mechanism is to thin the lining of the uterus in order to prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the womb. The first two mechanisms or purposes of the birth control pill would be considered contraceptive but the third would be considered abortive because it creates an inhospitable environment that will reject an already potentially fertilized egg. So, the concern is that if the first and second mechanisms fail, then it is entirely possible that a fertilized egg would be flushed from the body due to the third mechanism. Some have proposed that this happens up to 50 percent of the time, but it is likely that is much more uncommon than has been suggested. Still, the moral issue remains. If indeed birth control pills do not always prevent conception and if they do actually chemically terminate conception when it occurs, then we definitely have a moral and ethical dilemma on our hands. Furthermore, if birth control pills create the potential for chemical abortion, then IUDs, Depo-Provera and Norplant certainly would as well.
Simply put, the first two birth control methods are clearly contraceptive in nature and are therefore morally acceptable options, but the third is potentially abortive in that it will disrupt the new life of a fertilized egg and is morally suspect. What no one denies on either side of this debate is that there is a potential for non-intended chemically induced abortions, but what they disagree on is if and how often it really occurs. However, every Christian couple ought to carefully and prayerfully consider whether the potential risk is acceptable or not. The reality is that many Christians and Christian doctors disagree on the acceptable risks surrounding this method, so it seems presumptuous and even inappropriate to universally declare that using the birth control pill is expressly sinful. However, I do think that Christian couples ought to be better informed about the abortive risks of birth control pills so that they can study the matter fully for themselves and prayerfully consider according to their own conscience and leading of the Holy Spirit whether they take that chance or not.
The bottom line is that the central issue with the family planning debate is not if we should plan but how we should plan our families. Though some couples will choose not to make any plans, most can and will choose to do so. And, for those who do plan their family, my sincere hope is that they would not only carefully discuss, pray over and think through the issue but that they would also solicit medical and spiritual guidance from their doctor and pastor as they decide what method and approach is right and best for their family.
Kent,
Being a fairly young married couple, this issue is very relevant to us. I very much agree that a case cannot be made against all forms of birth control and family planning. When we were first married, we researched and got very conflicting information about whether or not the BCP causes abortions. It would be very helpful for those considering the same things to have a link or information available that supports both sides of the topic. We found it difficult to find hard evidence that the pill actually causes abortions aside from a few religious websites claiming so.
We made the decision to use a form of the BCP and did so for about a year. One thing I don’t see you address here is stewardship of the wife’s body. After seeing the side effects of the pill and that they tended to worsen rather than improve we made the decision that it simply wasn’t worth what it was doing to my wife’s body (i.e. headaches, weight gain, emotional imbalance, etc). I think that many men, especially young men who have saved themselves for their wives, aren’t really thinking about this. They’re happy that they get to enjoy the privileges of marriage and rightly so. I see it often that they want to “wait a few years” before having children. This is fine in my view, but they’re also unwilling to compromise on the sexual experience between them and their wives and the easiest answer to their quandary is the pill. Though, I would hope that if more men understood the things the pill can do to their wives they’d more seriously consider the other methods, even at the expense of their own pleasure.
Thanks, Michael, for getting the conversation started. I hear you. You make an excellent point and agree with your comment. Though, from what I understand the side effects can vary for different women with greater and lesser symptoms often depending on the dose of estrogen in the pill they are taking. So, I’m not sure that everyone has the same negative experience with the side effects, but there is no doubt that the chemicals put into the body do have an impact not only on the mother but also potentially on the child. And, both husband and wife must take this into account. The issue of stewardship does absolutely include the health and welfare of the woman’s body and I do hope that husbands will not impose the bcp upon their wives merely for the sake of their own sexual gratification. That would not only be selfish but also a poor stewardship on their part.
I’m just reading and jotting down some thoughts:
- When God created man and woman and gave such an incredible sexual desire and did not create any type of lock and key system to turn on/off conception and said to be fruitful and said in Malachi that his reason for marriage was Godly offspring and then provided the New Testament which repeatedly speaks as though marriage and children was expected in life… why would we say that the Bible does not specifically address this issue directly?
- As for Psalm 127:3 – I think that verses 1-2 are very much a part of what is being said. We can clearly see in our society today that WE build our houses. We toil and labor in vain trying to provide a perfect house and life for the children we will have later. But the Lord builds His house with people, and the Bible speaks of that many times.
- “the Bible does not tell us specifically how many children we all must have”… Of course! That’s the whole point. God intended to give the number HE wants us to have. He clearly did not create and design us to make that decision at all.
- Stewardship – You go from “we must consider what the Lord requires of each of us when it comes to the size and the care of our families” to “We read that God distributes these talents among people with an expectation that we would steward them well, and our stewardship is not related to the number of talents that we have been given. Notice that the emphasis in Matthew 25 is not on how many “talents” each has received but upon how well those “talents” have been managed. The application is that there are different stewardships given to different people depending on God’s expectation for those individuals or families.”
Don’t you see how you’re changing the very basic teaching on the talents? GOD decides how many! We then have to be good stewards. We have to manage what we’ve been given well. We have to feed and clothe them – although the Bible doesn’t mention that! – because what is important is that we have to raise them up to know and love and serve the Lord. THAT’S our STEWARDSHIP. If I am a good steward of money – that does not mean that I refuse to take it. That means that I manage it well.
You mention that we should not presume that all families should have the same number of children. Of course! Again – that’s the whole point of the stewardship teaching – God decides, we then need to be good stewards. But we do need to let God decide. Family Planning does not let God decide.
- “all caution to the wind” – OUCH – to think of a pastor who says that doing what the Bible says is throwing caution to the wind..
Wearing a seatbelt is trying to prevent something bad from happening. Taking medication is to prevent illness.
Are you saying that God’s children are like car accidents and illnesses? Ouch again. It just does not equate with saying that God’s children are blessings. This is exactly why we have the need for abortion. We say we are against abortion. But we also view children as only SOMETIMES a blessing. They area blessing at our own perfect time. This creates a desire for abortion. Imagine a young, fairly successful or affluent Christian couple who seem to have everything just right saying that they are not quite ready for children yet – now imagine a woman who discovered she’s pregnant and her husband was laid off yesterday. How difficult we make it for her to go to church and announce that she’s pregnant!
I personally have never known one single family who followed God’s instruction on working hard and being a good steward and having a good work ethic and attitude who was not able to provide for their children. I know a lot of large families (we kind of stick together!) – many are not able to provide ballet lessons or even cable tv – but then again, the Bible doesn’t mention ballet lessons or cable tv… and even in these tough times, as they live much much leaner – it doesn’t stop them from what God does mandate – raising their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
And by the way – cashing a check in advance is stealing.
I didn’t read the rest about the different methods of birth control. It all just complicates things. God made things simple for us. Satan confuses us… “Did God REALLY say?”….
I do think that we need to question how much we love God if we do not love what He loves. If we are choosing a nicer house (the kind WE build) or eating out, or our favorite past-times over, or even “cheap” things like cable tv and caller id added to our phone… over raising God’s children… I think we have to conclude that we will only go so far for God.
One additional comment along the lines of being good stewards of our health..
For years and years I was warned by my doctor that I was doing something dangerous by continuing to have children. Nothing ever came of those warnings at the time, but it was always a trial not to let fear (which is from Satan) get the best of me. Well, years have gone by and I’ve had seven children since the point where the doctor told me absolutely NO MORE – so I’ll just throw in that I’m so blessed to have them, and I believe that God is blessed that these people exist and basically that the world is a better place with these seven people added to it. We should never hand a gift from God over to Satan – which is what we’re doing when we fear a pregnancy.
But what I was going to say is that for so many years I was warned about all of the health risks of having many children. Now that I’m older and more time has gone by – it turns out that there is much cancer in my family. Much female-type cancer. I can’t change my genetic make-up and heredity – but guess what the best thing I could have done to prevent ovarian and breast cancer was – to have and nurse many children!
I don’t know if that will add any years to my life – and I’m not even sure that adding years to my life needs to be a concern or goal – but we do have to accept the fact the we know NOTHING and God knows everything.
Annie, thank you for responding and posting your comments. I appreciate that. First of all, I want to say God bless you for bringing seven children into the world and standing so strongly for the family. Also, let me just say that for many people, this issue is too emotionally charged to even engage, so I commend you for your willingness to enter the dialogue with me and others.
As for your comments, I just want to respond to a couple of things you mentioned to bring some clarity. The first comment I want to address is your reference to my illustrations about the seat belt and medication. I think you misunderstood the point of those analogies which you say insinuates that children are “accidents or illnesses”. Those simple analogies serve to make the point that we too have a responsibility within stewardship, that even though God is in control of our lives, we would be foolish not to exercise the wisdom and discernment that He has provided us and expects from us.
It seems that you assume that stewardship is merely a passive and responsive issue, when I believe it really is a two way street. The primary problem I have with your perspective is that you presume that we can only know what God wants for us as stewards in hindsight.
From my study of the Scriptures, I have concluded that we can and ought to seek God’s wisdom for our lives, and I see no evidence in Scripture that God will not reveal to us even in advance how many children He would want for us to have. My wife and I have prayed and discerned how many children we feel God wants for us to raise, and He has revealed to us and confirmed in us His plan. As such, we see ourselves as stewards of that plan so we arrange and organize our lives to best prepare for and provide for that plan.
The second thing I want to speak to is your comment about my reference to the “talents” in Matt. 25. By your comment, it seems that you think I am saying that “talents” are the number of children God gives us. But, that is not at all what I was saying. As I mentioned in the post, the talents are the “gifts or abilities” that God gives to us for our task in life. Therefore, the “talents” are not at all a reference to the number of children that we have but rather our stewardship capacity to have and raise them.
The third thing I want to address is that you seem to believe that the marriage bed is merely for procreation purposes. There is alot of Scripture that seems to say otherwise. It is my understanding that God gave sexual intimacy to couples not just for procreation but also for intimacy and enjoyment. Therefore, the idea of family planning, in my opinion, is not in conflict with God’s design for marriage since marriage is not solely for the bearing of children. Your reference to “bearing fruit and multiplying” is a personal mandate to Adam, Noah and the patriarchs who are given the responsibility of populating the earth (and flourishing the nation of Israel) but there is no prescriptive parallel mandate anywhere in the New Testament for us. It’s a stretch, to say the least, that God’s prescription for early patriarchs is also his prescription for us when there is no correlative teaching on that in the entire New Testament cannon.
Anyway, I realize that there probably is no way to fully address and allay your comments and concerns, but I do hope that rather than emotionally reacting to one another over this issue that we can engage in thoughtful dialogue and be at peace even if we disagree. My purpose in writing this post was not to incite arguments but simply to try to help people I am shepherding understand and process the issues.
But we’re trying to avoid bad things with medicine and seat belts. I can’t think of any good things that we try to protect ourselves from. What other gifts does God give that people turn down? We never try to protect ourselves from too much good health or too much money or too many great friends. If you don’t believe that Christians see children as accidents or hindrances, try walking through the front door of the church expecting your third or eighth eleventh baby (the seven I mentioned was after I was told it would be dangerous). As far as we generally view “good” parents, I’d say that we leave little room for criticism. The kids have their hair done and wear nice clothes and shoes. They get braces for their teeth, take their little piano lessons and play sports. I work with children at church and all of our older children serve as well. The kids are well-behaved in their classes, I’ve never asked anybody to babysit for me or change a diaper. And most importantly I’m HAPPY when I tell them we are expecting another child. Now there are many of those things that I don’t think matter to God at all – like whether we are involved with Little League. But my point is that we do all of the things that people think good parents should do. And we enjoy pouring our lives into our children. And we’ve never needed help. But I would love to have a video tape of the different responses I get when I announce a new pregnancy. People are usually very sorry for me – you would watch the video and think that I announced I have cancer. Actually – that is the only thing about having children that I do not like – telling people at church. But all of these same people sit back and talk of children being blessings from the Lord. And all of this begins with the third baby – why would anyone have a third when they already had a boy and a girl? People were finally happier for us when they started to see some good results, mostly because they could no longer worry that we would be sorry when all of these little ones became teens. If you have teens, then get pregnant, everyone relaxes, and figures that you know what you’re in for.
You are right that I believe we can only know what God wants for us as stewards of our fertility in hindsight. Not in the respect that we don’t need to be wise with money. We always need to seek wisdom and use self-control with money. But living modestly and spending wisely and basically using money the way I believe would please God does not mean that I know ahead of time what He has planned for my financial future.
We had three children before graduating from college. We absolutely could not have planned our family based on our income at that time! We could not have provided those piano lessons then. We could not have bought food for thirteen. But we did not yet need food for thirteen and they were too small to play the piano, anyway. We would never in a million years have guessed that we could provide college and many extras twenty years later. And don’t forget – the extras are only extra! The cheapest things in life also happen to be the best things for children. Peanut butter sandwiches are better for them than fast food. A night at home playing a board game is probably better than what you’ll find at the movie theatre. A day at a park is at least as good for a child than a day at the mall or amusement park. Spiritual training is generally free, karate lessons are expensive. Trendy clothes are not necessary and probably won’t pave the road to humility and modesty… the list could go on and on.
When we do plan things well and are good stewards, we have to be very careful of how much faith we put in our planning and expertise. A serious illness or even a change in political or economic atmosphere can really change things in our lives monetarily – which could easily throw a wrench in the wheel of the finances of a very well-planned family of four.
If I were talking with someone who lived in a one room trailer and rode the bus to work, I might not want to make them feel guilty about not having more children. But let’s just talk about the average American family who is seeking to be a good steward. At what point do we think they could have afforded another child? When the number of televisions in the home outnumbers the number of people? When there are more than 500 square feet per person? When we eat out more than twice per month? Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t believe God wanted us to weigh all of these things. But if we are seeking to make wise decisions and trying to plan our finances, how exactly do we go about it? I don’t know what your congregation is like demographically, but do you really think the people you are shepherding have the children they can afford to raise for the Lord, or is it more like the number of children that will enable them to live what most of the world would consider lavish lifestyles? Yes – we need to consider the rest of the world. Or maybe consider the lifestyle Jesus led, rather than comparing ourselves with the Jones’ next door. In our culture today, nobody WISE would have been willing to become pregnant with Jesus. Moses would definitely not have been brought into that life of slavery, and I guess there would never have been twelve tribes of Israel!
I agree that we ought to seek God’s wisdom for our lives. We obviously disagree on whether or not the Bible is clear that our marriages should be fruitful. So it’s hard to jump from there and debate seeking God’s will. I do think that the Bible is clear and that God did want to produce much fruit from most Godly marriages, so I’m thinking that if a gave my daughter a list of things I want her to do each day and included on that list was, “empty the dishwasher and do the laundry,” she needs to NOT come to me each day and ask me if I really want her to empty the dishwasher. I think that God told us exactly what He wants, it was very simple, and it must be rather frustrating to have everyone continue asking again and again if that is in fact what He really wants for them. The Old Testament is enough to show me how God created His people and intended for them to live and that He considered it a blessing for us to have children. The New Testament refers to the “In the beginning” reference in Matt. 19 and Eph. 5. That is the same reference that told us to be fruitful, yet there is no indication that we should only refer back to part of that reference and ignore the rest. Titus and 1 Timothy also refer to women bringing up children as the expected role of women. The very way that God created us loudly tells me what He intended. Nobody was every told not to have children, or to be wise and not have too many. God’s Word speaks of rest in a positive way, but includes warnings of laziness. The Bible talks about wine with warnings of drunkenness. God gave us the gift of sex, but warns of immorality. God blessed people materially, but told us not to love money. Great feasts are spoken of, but we are warned not to become gluttons.
Yet, children are only spoken of as a blessing. There are no warnings of having too many or having them at the wrong time. There are no cautions of the burden or the expense. They are purely a gift, with life being the only thing we have, or put effort into, or are a part of that is forever. The Bible is simply not silent on God’s intention for marriage/children.
I don’t know what I said that made you think that I believe sex is only for procreation. I don’t feel that way at all and I agree that the Bible tells us otherwise. God gave us much to enjoy. A parallel might be the enjoyment of eating. God didn’t have to let us enjoy food – but He was very good to us by allowing us the pleasure. That doesn’t mean we should no longer seek nutrients and only seek the enjoyment. It’s very much the same with sex. God was very good to us by providing the enjoyment. But if I’m seeking pleasure for myself and my husband is seeking pleasure for himself, we will end up having problems. Although we will never be perfect, the whole point of love is to give, rather than receive. We need to love our spouse and love the Lord and offer that love to them. We don’t have to seek the enjoyment. God just graciously provides it. As a matter of fact, I’d have to say that the more I’ve had an attitude of giving to my husband and to the Lord, the enjoyment has been greatly magnified.
Annie, I hear you and appreciate you sharing your heart. I feel badly that you have encountered a bias against large families in your church and can understand why you feel the way that you do. We actually have several large families in our church and certainly wouldn’t want them to feel singled out for it.
I agree with you that choosing the size of our family should not be based on lifestyle preferences. And, if we choose how many children to raise based not on what God’s desire is for our families but rather on our own, then we are acting selfishly and exercising poor stewardship. The bottom line is that if God wants for us to have 12 children, then as stewards we should plan and prepare for that regardless of the implications it might have on our lifestyle or our future.
At the same time, I do believe that a family with one child can feel equally “blessed” as a family with 12 children as long as they know that they are fulfilling the stewardship that God has assigned to them in this life. I certainly don’t want to play favorites or make a case for or against large families, I just want to make a case for the responsible stewardship of those families regardless of their size.
I’m not necessarily pro big family or anti small family. Plenty of people will never be able to have children and God does have specific plans for them.
I’m struggling with what you’re saying because I just don’t understand why birth control would be needed if a couple is sure they already have had the number of children that God desired for them. Would God give them a child that He did not desire for them to have?
Annie,
I can’t tell you how much your words have blessed me! This is a topic so close to my heart I am very passionate about it only becasue I am passionate to living out what the scriptures say, literally!
We are a family of few but not by choice. I truly believe God open and closes wombs, there is just no two ways about it! Really the root issue on this topic is how we truly view children. If we were giving birth to money our world would delight in fertility so much more!!!
I too don’t believe marriage is just for pro-creation but it is a blessing/ gift to be received if given. And what does God say about gifts? “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights in whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (Jas 1:17) and that “everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving” (1 Tim 4:4).
If talents are considered “gifts or abilities” that God gives to us for our task in life as Kent stated then what is the confusion. Are there two meanings to the word gift in the bible. In Psalms it sates that children are a gift….. pretty clear to me. Obviously if God has blessed me with a child/children it is pretty clear what my “task in life” is…… raising them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
No flashy twists of biblical doctrine, no redefinitions of the idea of stewardship; just an honest approach to the text of Scripture, and an unwaivering trust in the fact that God is for us, not against us, and that He is a heavenly Father that knows how to give good gifts to his children.
“A Christian couple can no more maximize the number of children they have, than they can maximize the number of hairs on their head, or the number of days they have in their life (Ps 139:16, Mat 5:36). We are at the receiving, not the producing and especially not the maximizing, end.”
Honestly if we had been given the number of children we ought to have (which I don’t agree with) then why would we even try to have our hand in it. If God actually revealed a number to you then what makes you think He would give you more than that??? The fear and fact is you know He is capable of giving more and most are not comfortable with that……… and so we take control. There lies the truth in how we really feel about the gift of children. It’s a hard pill to swallow but truly what I believe to be the root issue.
When I gave my life to Christ I gave it fully, womb and all. When having children I prayed God would help me look at children through His eyes. It’s a lot different then what the culture has taught us, even the christian culture sadly. No to ways about it, children will challenge your life……… and that’s a bad thing? Are we not to praise God in our trials? “My God owns the cattle on a thousand hills”, I completely trust He will feed and clothe my children as I learn how to steward what he provides.
I recently read this quote in an article on birth control/ family planning and I thought it was good:
“You cry foul that there are no verses to prohibit this act and I cry foul that you would need one. So who has the moral and biblical high-ground.”
Thanks again for your words. You will never know just how much it encouraged me!!
Annie and Kay ,
Hugely blessed I am this afternoon…by you both.
<3
Dawn
Kay and Dawn – Thank you for your comments because I never like the way I said things when I look back..
A friend of mine pointed out one last thing about the comment that a family with one child is as equally blessed as a family with 12. That’s a point that I’ve never debated – every child is a blessing, therefore a family with one child is certainly blessed. This friend of mine had two children and always prayed for more. When her youngest was 21, she adopted a wonderful little girl from China. But she said she thinks it’s funny that we wouldn’t agree that a family with 12 children would be more blessed IN THAT AREA of their lives than a family with one child. The blessing of many children is referred to again and again in the Bible. She pointed out that we don’t do that with other blessings. We don’t try to tell a poor person that they are as financially blessed as a rich person. She is a beautiful singer and I am NOT, so she went on to say that her voice is much more a blessing than mine – and she’s right! And I wonder also what that statement says to someone with no children. People with one child are blessed, but what about them?? We just need to notice the ways that God is blessing us, and not dwell on the ways He is not.
Anyway – I didn’t think much of it at first. But I do think I see what she’s saying. She feels it all stems back to the fact that our society sees few children as a much bigger blessing than many. And like you said, Kay, if we were giving birth to money, nobody would hold back from saying that we were more blessed if we did it more times!
I think one of the most wonderful blessings with letting the Lord plan your family for you is the peace and confidence that comes with it. If He gives no children – you know for sure He has another ministry for you. You just don’t have to go through life wondering if you made the right decisions. God made them! For me, I was often pregnant quicker than I would have planned, but there was never any question that the reason was that it was what God wanted. Knowing that you’re working for the Lord sure makes the work pleasant! I always thought the babies were blessings, but as the years have gone by, it’s just been more and more of a blessing to see the people that these babies turn into.